Helplessly, Hopelessly, Recklessly
by Always Remember Sirius Black
Summary: Songfic about a love that should never have happened.
1. Lily

**A/N**: Second songfic ever and I love it **much** more than my first one. Enjoy and review :D  
  
**Disclaimer:** Characters are Rowling's and the song is Helplessly, Hopelessly, Recklessly by Jessica Andrews.  
  
_I can stand with the weight of the world  
On my shoulders  
I can fight with the toughest of the tough  
I can laugh in the face   
Of all my insecurities  
Anytime, anywhere, anything  
I'm strong enough  
  
_I feel my body tense as I spot you, crossing the grounds on your way back from Quidditch practice. Your loud and obnoxious best friend walks along beside you, but I pay him no notice. Unruly black hair blows gently in the warm breeze and I smile when I see you laughing. Books lay forgotten in my lap and the only thought on my mind is how perfect you look when your cheeks are red and your grinning in _that_ way. I feel my breath catch in my throat when you lift your head and your eyes meet with mine. I duck my head, pretending to go back to my book but all the while keeping you in my sight. From the corner of my eye I spot you turning to your friend, nudging him and nodding in my direction. A blush creeps onto my cheeks and I finally manage to look away.  
  
_But when you're holding me like this  
I'm carelessly lost in your touch  
I'm completely defenseless  
Baby, it's almost too much  
I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly  
Falling in love  
  
_We grin at each other over our Butterbeers and it makes my heart soar knowing that the two of us share our own joke. But the moment is shattered as your friend lets out a loud, booming laugh. I feel myself twitch in annoyance and I notice that even you cast him a weary look. My thoughts begin to drift and I wonder how I ended up with these ridiculous feelings. I, Lily Evans, who swore that this day would never come. I promised that I would never fall for a boy like you. And yet here I am, my hands shaking and my eyes watching your every gesture and movement.  
  
_So let consequence do what it will to us  
I don't care  
Let the stars stand as witness to it all  
Say the word and tonight I will follow you anywhere  
I just can't pretend anymore  
I'm too sturdy to fall  
  
_My chest feels compressed, as if there's a hundred pounds sitting on it. And yet at the same time, I feel like I'm floating and the only thing keeping me grounded is your hand resting so gently on my cheek. As you lean closer, I can feel the anxiousness hanging over you and it comforts me to know that you are as nervous as I am. Finally your chaste lips meet mine and I clench my eyes closed, savoring every precious second that comes with a first kiss. When we finally break apart, you smile tentatively and brush a red lock of hair from my face.  
  
_But when you're holding me like this  
I'm carelessly lost in your touch  
I'm completely defenseless  
Baby, it's almost too much  
I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly  
Falling in love  
  
_My back slams into the wall, still kissing you with ever ounce of passion in my body. Your arms encircle my waist and you pull me so tightly against you. And while we're locked in this embrace, nothing seems wrong or dangerous. Everything is safe and right in the world, as long as you're there. You pull back briefly, a mischievous gleam in your eye and a grin on your face. "We could get caught, Lil."  
  
I feel a thrill run through me, the type of thrill you get only when you know you're doing something very bad. "We won't get caught."  
  
_I am not afraid  
I am not afraid  
  
_Bundled under the covers, you look down at me while propped up on one elbow. Eyes so full of love that it makes me feel like bursting. You reach down and stroke my cheek gently and I see a look of hurt flash only briefly across your face. "I love you, Lil," I hear you mumble, trying to keep the sadness from your voice.  
  
"And I love you. Don't be sad, my darling. Please?" I stare up at you with a pleading look, but I know I haven't made you feel any better.  
  
"I'll always love you. Tell me you'll always love me, Lily. Even after you're his."  
  
"Always."  
  
_'Cause when you're holding me like this  
I'm carelessly lost in your touch  
I'm completely defenseless  
Baby, it's almost too much  
I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly  
Falling...  
  
_I glance at you over his shoulder as you stand there, looking so perfect and yet so _sad_. No one else notices. The pain in your eyes. The pain in mine. I feel like the world is spinning out of control and it won't stop and I wonder how I'm stopping myself from screaming. And it kills me that it could all have been stopped if I hadn't of been so stupid. So stupid and greedy and now I'm hurting you in a way that can never be repaired. I tear my eyes away and realize that he is looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to utter those two words and seal it all forever.  
  
One final glance at you, my love, and then it is done. "I do."  
  
_Helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly falling  
  
_My baby cries in his crib behind me and my death stares me in the face in front. Downstairs my husband is dead and _you_ are not here. I know I won't live through this night and I know how utterly insane it is for me to be spending my final moments alive thinking of the love that I lost. The one that got away. The one I couldn't live without. But eventually I did, I had no choice. You wouldn't hurt James anymore and so, you wouldn't see me. You left me and I cursed you every night. I cursed you because you had proven to be the strong one. I cursed you because you could live without me. I cursed you simply because you had shown that I was weak. But I curse you no more, Sirius Black. I die with only one thought for you. **_I will always love you.  
  
__I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly   
Falling in love  
  
_**A/N:** Next chapter is from Sirius' POV.**


	2. Sirius

**A/N: **This is the final chapter and it's from Sirius' POV. A few people were wondering why Lily married James even though she loved Sirius, so I tried my best to answer that. Also, **the end has a major OotP spoiler. Anyway, enjoy and review.  
  
_I can stand with the weight of the world  
On my shoulders  
I can fight with the toughest of the tough  
I can laugh in the face   
Of all my insecurities  
Anytime, anywhere, anything  
I'm strong enough  
  
_I amble through the corridors, my best friend at my side. He is rambling aimlessly, and about _you_ nonetheless. I try simply to nod and grin but really I wish he would just shut up. Hasn't he realized that you loathe him? The icy glares you're always directing at him, the way you tense with anger each time he even speaks to you. I certainly notice… and I notice that they melt when you glance from him to me. A small blush even creeps onto your cheeks. But that is wishful thinking. It _must_ be wishful thinking.   
  
_But when you're holding me like this  
I'm carelessly lost in your touch  
I'm completely defenseless  
Baby, it's almost too much  
I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly  
Falling in love  
  
_After cornering you many times in the halls, I've finally managed to convince you to join us for a round of Butterbeers. James spent nearly three hours thanking me and I tried desperately to wave it off. He doesn't know that I've invited you along for my own pleasure. He'll never know that I fancy you just as much as he does. He can't know. Because what kind of best friend would I be then? My thoughts are interrupted when I see you smiling at me across the table. I feel a strange sensation in my stomach at the very sight of your grin and so I give you one in return, despite the horrid feeling that it's wrong. But it can't be wrong to simply smile at you… that could never be wrong.  
  
_So let consequence do what it will to us  
I don't care  
Let the stars stand as witness to it all  
Say the word and tonight I will follow you anywhere  
I just can't pretend anymore  
I'm too sturdy to fall  
  
_Your small body pressed to mine is almost enough to make me feel lightheaded, but you add to it by claiming my lips with yours. You taste of chocolate and smell of lavender and I know that not a day in my life will go by when I won't long for those two things. I try to savor the moment, pushing thoughts of _him_ to the back of my head. But how can I so eagerly forget my best friend? My best friend who told me only last night that he was hopelessly in love with you. But kissing you could not possibly be wrong, not when it feels so wonderfully right.  
  
_But when you're holding me like this  
I'm carelessly lost in your touch  
I'm completely defenseless  
Baby, it's almost too much  
I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly  
Falling in love  
  
_You're dozing quietly in my arms, and it's remarkable how angelic you look. I brush my hand against your soft cheek, but you don't stir. My shattered heart pains in my chest, hurting more for every moment I stare at you. It's my fault, of course. My fault that we've been restricted to hurried kisses while no one is looking and rare nights like these, when you have to be gone before the sun even comes up. I ended it with you, in a desperate attempt to make things right again. And so you turned to James, and before long he had proposed to you. Except, you and I realized too late that we could never be without each other. All it took was one kiss and we had rekindled whatever it was that we shared. This time, however, things were truly hopeless. You were engaged to my best friend and to tell him… would destroy him. To tell him would ruin a lifelong friendship. And not even for you, my love, would I do that.  
  
_I am not afraid  
I am not afraid  
  
_I still can't believe that this has happened. Not to you. The woman who filled my world with so much life and love. You can't possibly be dead. But you are, and I should know. I sit in this cell paying for your death. They believe I betrayed you, and oh, they are so right. I did betray you, Lily darling. I let you marry him, I let you go, and I let you live a lie with someone you did not love. I tried so hard to be the strong one and I know you hated me for it. Did you hate me forever, my precious flower? Did you hate me as you died? Does it even matter anymore? You are gone and I will sit here alone until the day that I die. It is my penance, and I accept it.  
  
_'__Cause when you're holding me like this  
I'm carelessly lost in your touch  
I'm completely defenseless  
Baby, it's almost too much  
I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly  
Falling...  
  
_He looks so much like James that it hurts. It forces buried memories to bubble to the surface and they scorch me from the inside. But it's all very well that he looks like James, because if he looked like you… I know I wouldn't be able to bare it. Just don't look him in the eyes, I tell myself. You live in his eyes, Lily. Eyes that mock me. Eyes that laugh at me and judge me and worst of all… eyes that love me. You once told me that you would love me forever and I curse myself for ever doubting that. You loved me always, up to the moment you died and even now, you love me. I will protect this boy with my life, Lily. Just as I tried to do for you.  
  
_Helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly falling  
  
_As I fight this woman, wand to wand, I notice nothing of my surroundings. It has been a long time since I've been able to battle it out like this. It makes me feel almost alive. I dodge her curses, laughing out loud and egging her on. I'm playing a dangerous game and I know that with a simple spell, she could end things for me. The thought does not frighten me though, because death means seeing you and that could _never_ be wrong. My mind, clouded with thoughts of you, does not register the need to move. A curse hits me squarely in the chest and my eyes widen with shock. I'm falling now, towards this mysterious archway. Briefly afraid… but why fear death, my love? I will see you soon. The world falls away and I'm left with only one thought. **_I have never stopped loving you.  
  
_**_I'm helplessly, hopelessly, recklessly   
Falling in love_**


End file.
